Resolved Question: Advise in my Marriage?
My husband and I have been married for 4 years now. Our relationship has been very rocky, like a roller coaster. My husband has been physically, mentally and verbally abuse towards me. I have left him 2 for his abuse behavior, but have come back to him because I believed that he really wanted to change and he has changed over the past 2 years. He no longer physically or mentally abuses me. However, every now and then, he does verbally abuse me. He has had a very rough life which has led to him having a lot of traumatic ... View All
My husband and I have been married for 4 years now. Our relationship has been very rocky, like a roller coaster. My husband has been physically, mentally and verbally abuse towards me. I have left him 2 for his abuse behavior, but have come back to him because I believed that he really wanted to change and he has changed over the past 2 years. He no longer physically or mentally abuses me. However, every now and then, he does verbally abuse me. He has had a very rough life which has led to him having a lot of traumatic issues. He has anger problems and a very short temper. Together we have overcome a lot of his issues. His jealousy, insecureness of himself and our relationship and his low self esteem, I could go on with the amount of mental issue’s he’s had.
Unfortunately, his anger is the one thing that has been the most difficult and the issue we are still struggling with. The last time he had an outburst was about 2 or 3 wks ago. Here’s the thing, I get up at 5am, everyday because we only have 1 vehicle at this time and I have to drive him to work and then drive myself to work every day. We end up getting home around 7pm ever night. I leave my house at 5am, work all day, after work I have to pick him up then drive home ( we live 30 minutes away from his work and 1hr away from mine, so I commute 1½ hrs to work and the same back home) Anyhow, I get home tired from working, driving and because of a shoulder injury I have which cause daily pain. I have a tear in my rotator cuff and any movement hurts my entire hand). That day we got home around 7pm, as soon as we got home, he asked me to make dinner. I told him I was tired to just give me some time to rest and I watched some tv in order to relax. I watched TV for 1hr, in which time he kept bugging me about cooking. After an hour and after my shoulder pain had diminished a little so I started cooking (8pm). What he wanted for dinner takes a couple of hours to cook so around 9:45pm or so, I checked the food and it needed about 10 minutes more to cook. At that time he made a comment that if I would have made the food when he asked it would have been ready by now. I replied to him, not with any type of aggravated tone or anything, that if he could please understand that I was tired. I worked all day and he doesn’t even let me be home for 5 minutes when he already wants me to start cooking and cleaning. Suddenly he got so angry and started yelling and saying that if I wanted I could throw away the food. I told him that the could do what ever he wanted. He walked outside yelling that he was going to throw the food away (outside because I was barbecuing) he came back with an empty pot of food. He had thrown the food away. He started screaming, insulting me, telling me I was worthless as a wife, that I was lazy, calling me names, making derogatory remarks about me, he threatened to beat me up with the pott he had in his hand, he threatened me with my parents and my 10 year old sister’s life. He just went crazy and I was shocked. I didn’t yell at him back or anything, I just ignored him. The next day, he apologized and cried and said he didn’t know what to do, he tries so hard to not get angry, to not disrespect me and insult me, but he doesn’t know why he’s like that. He accepted he is wrong, that he has problems (at least he’s always accepted this), he also said that if I wanted to leave him, he understands why. He knows he doesn’t deserve me, but he doesn’t know what to do. I think part of his problem is that he hates himself so much because of everything he’s done to me through out the years, which he knows I haven’t deserved it.
Like I said, he has changed, and a lot. But I just don’t know what to do. I can’t handle this anymore. This relationship has brought me so much suffering. My life before I met him was happy, full of life, family and friends. Now I don’t have any friends and I don’t talk to my family because they hate him. We moved states (from California to Arkansas) so that we could try by ourselves to solve our problems. I am just so agitated, depressed, confused, sad, and most of all lonely. My family was my entire life, and without them I feel lost. I feel so depressed because of all of the compromises and sacrifices I have made in order to make this relationship work. For everything I have tolerated and forgiven. I lost interest in having intimacy with him and I don’t know how to say this to him because it will hurt him tremendously and I know he’ll say its because I don’t love him anymore, which to be honest, I doubt my love for him every single day that goes by. I don’t even know if I love him anymore. I’m always thinking of everything he’s done to me. I miss my friends, my family, California. I am always asking myself if I should leave him for good, but I’m scared of throwing this marriage away. I don’t know if its worth it anymore. I miss having fun and enjoying life. I always think that instead of going through all of this crap I could be home in CA, going out, having fun with my friends and family, like I used. We are only 22 years old. We should be enjoying life. I don’t know why its so hard for me to walk away. I think that after everything I have endured with him, he killed my love for him. I still love him, but more of a friend love, not the way your suppose to love a husband. I have so much resentment, for what he’s done and on myself for being so forgiving and taking his abuse. Close All
Resolved Question: Looking for someones wisdom?
I am 18 and and my hopes and plans revolved around moving from FL. to CA to be with my GF then attend college. I have achieved moving to CA, in the bay area and am living in my apartment with my gf. Everything was going good, I am working full time at a pharmacy just ready to start dental assissting course for the fall semester and then it became some rough terrain. I got rejected for Pell Grant because my father cashed out his retirement fund because he needed the money to just pay the bills...(so i looks ... View All
I am 18 and and my hopes and plans revolved around moving from FL. to CA to be with my GF then attend college. I have achieved moving to CA, in the bay area and am living in my apartment with my gf. Everything was going good, I am working full time at a pharmacy just ready to start dental assissting course for the fall semester and then it became some rough terrain. I got rejected for Pell Grant because my father cashed out his retirement fund because he needed the money to just pay the bills...(so i looks like he is making too much i suppose) i can't claim independence on that... and since i haven't been here 1 year... paying all out of my pocket will be about 2k for the semester. Thats my first problem. THEN, my landlord just called recently and said he needs me to move out in about a month because he will soon rent the above floor out and his mother is going to take my studio.. (i am under a 12 month lease and it has only be 6 months) the rent was cheap for this area so, instead
of being an ass... I find myself looking for a new 1 br or studio to move into.. (not crazy about the one im in now anyway) School is about to start and only starts every fall semester for the program.. so if i miss this.. i have to wait until NEXT fall... SO.. Should i continue working at the pharmacy full time, Find a new place.. and Try paying for the 2k out of my pocket? Do I try to find a better job that will allow me to work + school that pays more? should i forget school and just keep working and saving to invest in real estate like I hope to eventually. (out of CA of course) This is one of those cross road moments in life that is vital to my future.. I just want more opinions on this..so the odds of choosing the best outcome are higher. thanks in advanced Close All
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